Blog | Empower, Thrive & Results Life & Business Coaching

EFFECTIVE WAYS TO DEAL WITH NEGATIVE EMOTIONS

kodetcoachme@gmail.com (Kehinde Odetunde) — Sat, 22 Oct 2022 04:39:14 GMT

Effective Ways to Deal With Negative Emotions

Why would anybody continue to relive a bad past? Why would anyone continue to feel anxious about the future? Why would anyone keep playing a victim, feel helpless, ashamed or not confident?

What makes some people do well in life in comparison to others? Why are two children born to the same parents, grew up under similar circumstances, given the same opportunities but eventually live totally different lives with one being successful and the other not? What’s the effective response to “how to take action?”

This post will help you understand why an effective way to deal with negative emotions is by taking action and also help you understand how to take action.

The Effective Way to Deal With Negative Emotions – Take Action!

Life happens in phases and you are a testament to this. Once upon a time you were born and there was a time you couldn’t walk, talk or take care of yourself. You’ve evolved as a person through those phases and will continue to evolve if you choose to.

Negative feelings are nothing but signals. I’ve come to think of them as “call to action” signals. As a human born to evolve, you’ve reached another phase in your life that’s prompting you to take some kind of action. If you don’t act, these negative emotions will only continue to grow and may transform into real monsters and affect other aspects of your life.

OK. You are probably thinking, okay... If getting rid of negative emotions is as simple as taking action, how come people don’t take action?” There’s another explanation for that too. Let’s begin..

Why People Don’t Take Action

If you’ve ever experienced any persistent and strong negative feelings, they just didn’t happen overnight. You just didn’t wake up one day to feel depressed or not feel good about yourself or about the future.

These feelings are cumulative effects of inaction in certain aspects of your life either past or present.

When you worry or you are anxious or sad, or feel helpless, these emotions come from what you are thinking of - consciously or unconsciously. These negative thoughts will naturally go away once you take lots of targeted actions. Your feelings are usually connected to your thought patterns, which are connected to what you do or don't do.

Some examples:

At work : Although work’s chosen as an example, this could apply to many areas of your life that you seem to have lost passion for or are not happy about. Let’s say lately, you feel like you don’t like your job anymore and that you’ve lost passion for what you do. While this feeling is a call for you to take some serious actions to rectify the situation, the loss of passion didn’t just happen overnight. If you search deep down and you are honest, you’ll note that you are probably not as involved in the job as others who exude the passion for the job. In fact, that you’ve not been very involved for a while – that you just do what you need to do to keep your head above water.

To be passionate and to love a job, company, industry or anything, you’ll need to fully immerse yourself in its surrounding. If you don’t fully immerse yourself, you’ll soon lose interest and want to try something else.

The truth is that inaction will prevent you from getting ahead because you are not giving your best. Because you are not giving your best, your body, mind and soul will not be at ease. This could lead to unnecessary health scare and worry. It can really mess up your mind too. Full immersion involves being fully engaged – reading every day or every chance you get about that thing, having fun researching and doing the best you can to continue to grow, to become an expert in one or several areas and to continue to add tremendous value at work. When you are fully immersed, you’ll think favorably about your future in the company or industry and the different roles you could play.

The point is this : You stopped taking action because subconsciously you are not certain that the actions you take will yield the desired results (promotion, recognition, making the boss happy or like you, making your colleagues respect you, be seen as an authority in the field, seeing a bright future in the company or whatever the result is that you deeply care about). In other words, you lack certainty.

What if you are not passionate because you are not doing what you love or because your work environment does not help bring out the best in you? If that’s the case, before you switch to another job or career, ask yourself these questions.

Have I been patient enough, or have I honestly spent enough time to confirm that the current job or industry isn’t the right fit?
Are opportunities indeed not within the current company or industry or is my work environment really that bad?

If the answers genuinely favor that you leave your current employment, then make sure you take serious actions to immerse yourself on the next job or opportunity.

Let’s use a simpler example : If I told you to meet me at a certain place at a certain time to get a $1 billion or to get something that’s dearest and most important to you, would you take action? Would you let anything stop you from taking action? Of course, you would take action and you’d do everything in your power to make the appointment. Why? Because you are certain that if you take action, you’ll get the the prize. People don’t take action because it is not certain that they’ll get the result they desire.

How to Get Certainty

If you have ever seen a child try to walk before she/he never gives up. In fact, I doubt any parent would ever want a child to stop trying to walk after few tries.

Keep an important phrase in your mind always – “ For every action you take or don’t take in life, there is a result ”.

There are fundamental laws governing this universe and I honestly don’t know how they all work. But I know that if you want something so deeply and you make the first step of taking a tangible action towards that thing, it’ll set the tone of the result you seek. You don’t need to be right the first or the second or the third time you try. Not knowing the future or having proof that what you are trying to do will materialize is quite alright. You may need to model someone who has gone through a similar experience to get there faster. You may need to keep changing your strategies. Everything eventually unfolds by taking action. Believe and stay committed.

Certainty comes from the result you get by taking action. When you make the first step, the second, and the third step, you’ll start to feel differently. When you start to feel differently, you’ll start to see things differently. As the saying goes, when you change the way you look at things, what you are looking at changes. Feeling good is a form of re-enforcement that keeps your body, mind and soul aligned and gives you a reason to keep going. The more you do something, the better you get and the more likely it’ll stay with you forever unless you stop doing it. A good example is your name or anything that you seem to know or do so naturally without thinking. These are second nature to you because they are embedded in your subconscious. This brings me to the next point on how you sustain certainty.

How to Retain Certainty

Imagine a world we’ll be in today, if there wasn’t certainty in our way of life. Certainty is by far one thing that keeps humans different from animals. Can you imagine what life would be like today if we doubted that we could ever walk, talk, read, write, learn different things, be a parent, land that dream job, or end racism and discrimination? These are all mentioned to hopefully remind you to just give it a go and never stop giving it a go. Don’t overthink it. Just do it and believe that if you keep at it, there is bound to be favorable result.

You retain certainty when it is engrained in your mind and your subconscious. Every day, you need to take action without fear of embarrassment, failure or anything. The first time might be awkward, boring, weird, nerve-racking, or confusing; you might be reminded again of your past failure(s) or inadequacy but ignore such negative thoughts because as a man thinketh, so shall it be. The second time might be better or not and you might even fail. Ignore the self-doubt; let the negative result be another lesson on what not to do or a reason to try perhaps a different approach.

Try the third time and the fourth and the fifth and keep taking action. When you take action every day for a period of time it becomes a habit that’s engrained in your subconscious; similar to how you were when you were a child, who would never stop trying to walk.

Set yourself up to accomplish a thirty-day habit formation of taking action and following through. Let it be that thing you’ve been putting off.
Fully immerse yourself and don’t be limited by not seeing the results just yet. Don’t let it scare you. Just go for it. Break it down into little steps or tasks and do one thing at a time. Just as you were when you were a child – you never expected the result of walking or talking; you just kept on trying. You learned first how to master the act of crawling before mastering how to stand, walk and how to run. It’s no different.
Be in an environment that boosts your chances of successfully accomplishing the thirty-day habit formation of retaining certainty back in your life. For example: Stay away from negative people. If you must be around negative people because they are part of your life somehow, set new and clear boundaries – this is another bold step to confirming that you mean business.
Remember: Certainty is already in you. It’s only dormant because of life’s conditioning. Any bad experience does not define you. Use it to step-up and be better.

What and How Much Action Should I Take?

There are countless types and forms of actions that you can take today that can improve the quality of your life and it varies from one situation to another or from one person to another.

Be patient and be persistent. Your result in life will be in direct proportion to how much action you take but you must make sure your strategy makes sense. Just as no amount of certainty will make the Sun rise in the west or set in the east, you must ensure your strategy is fit for purpose. Just as Thomas Edison did with the light bulb invention, keep changing your approach as needed. Sometimes you’ll have to change your approach until it feels right and you know it is working. Keep track of what works and what doesn’t.

What are some of the things Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates or some of the personal development giants, Tony Robbins or Les Brown all have in common? They worked very hard and kept on changing their approaches and they engrained their subconscious with certainty of a better future. Trust me; you’ll know when that lump in your stomach and that awful feeling is gone and you start to feel the vibrancy and passion you once had.

Remember not to relapse once you’ve achieved the goal of having certainty in everything you do. You won’t relapse if you continue to work on yourself by continuing to take action that keeps you in the right state of mind. If you want sustainable results, you must continuously clear the mental blocks and negative self thoughts by taking action.

HOW SELF REFLECTION CAN TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE

kodetcoachme@gmail.com (Kehinde Odetunde) — Sat, 22 Oct 2022 04:37:32 GMT

The Power of Self Reflection

To live a life of fulfillment, cultivating the habit of reflection is very important. Reflection isn’t about worrying about what went wrong or about beating yourself up on a bad day, plight or alike. Reflection isn’t something you do only after you have accomplished enormous amount of work or success. Making daily reflection a part of one’s routine will help alleviate stress, unnecessary and excessive worries, anxieties, regrets and renew one’s energy and mind. Reflecting on a day’s, highlights, not so much about what went wrong but about what could be improved, helps one think creatively on becoming better and it leads to inspiration. Reflection keeps one grounded through gratitude because it is less likely for one to be grateful and be sad at the same time. The following are some benefits of self reflection.

Self Reflection As a Form of Seeking Empowerment

With empowering thoughts come empowering ideas and empowering actions. Reflection, if directed to figuring out what to do to make things better, can create an entire discipline of positive and proactive thoughts. When reflection is directed solely to everything that’s gone wrong, this can lead to dis-empowering and overwhelming thoughts of worries. With self-improvement of empowering thoughts come ideas to self-improve one’s knowledge in a certain area, improve one’s attitude or actions, be a better person and be passionate about life. Reflecting on one’s actions and the reactions or the effects of such actions can help someone be certain on how to face a similar situation in the future.

Reflection improves one’s emotions and emotional intelligence. Paying paramount attention to situations and understanding what makes people behave the way they do can become a powerful tool not to manipulate situations to one’s advantage but to be better positioned to act in a way that stacks the deck in one’s favor. Think of having a journal or arsenal of lessons learned from a past encounters to tilt the outcome of a current or future event to one’s favor.

Reflection helps to better reframe and redefine situations through series of questions and inquiries to have better understanding and interpretation of situations. It helps with taking several steps back to manage the complexity of any opportunity. Reflection makes you become a true leader . Leaders need to constantly understand the what, why, and reach insights most people don’t. It helps with creating an awareness of objectivity around situations instead of being caught up with the emotions.

Self Reflection As a Form of Gratitude

Reflection can also take the form of deep heart-felt and genuine introspection on what you have and grateful for. If you are grateful for having made it through the day or for not getting that phone call about someone you love or close to dyeing or dead, it is great thing. Being grateful not only helps maintain the balance to keep the sanity of the ups and downs in life but it also helps with the possibility of receiving more of what you already have. Focusing on at least three areas of one’s life that one is grateful for is a daily practice that’ll change one’s life from being sad and angry to being happy, cheerful and optimistic about the future. This exercise doesn’t have to take more than five minutes a day. It works great both at the beginning and at the end of the day. If you don’t think being grateful is necessary, imagine the architect of the universe taking back everything you currently have (what was given to you) simply because you are not grateful.

Self Reflection As a Form of Maintaining Perspective

I just came back from Africa and it’s amazing the things we take for granted in parts of the world where there is affluence and sufficiency. Often, we are concerned or worried about first-world problems when billions of people don’t have enough to eat, don’t have access to proper medical system or even have roof over their head.

It is a shame a lot of us take for granted the water we drink, the food we eat, the shower or bath we take, the toilet we use to relieve our self and even the simple flushing of the toilet with readily available water, the constant supply of electricity, the less polluted air we breathe, the house we live in, easier access to the internet with adequate download speed, easy access to transit, better roads and infrastructure, access to walk-in clinics or medical facilities, or what we call “minimum” wage jobs, and the list goes on. It is essential to remove complaints from our vocabulary and always looking at things from a different light. Imagine if you are a parent and don’t know how your crying child will have a next meal?

Make Self Reflection a Habit

As you think of reflection in the above highlighted ways, make it a habit. Being able to regularly reflect is a game changer in the long run. Imagine for a second that you reflect on your day’s highlights and you come up with ways of improving how your day went and rectifying any errors. Imagine doing this every day for 365 days a year. Now imagine doing this every day for the rest of your life. You’ll live a life of self-awareness, improvements, which leads to progress and which will lead to fulfillment. While this may seem like an impossible thing to do, it is quite possible if you think of reflection in the above ways.

To form the habit of reflection, calve out sometime every morning when you wake up and when you are about to go to bed and think of empowering things that you are grateful for. Maintain perspective of your current situation because your situation is better than most people’s. In the midst of the not-so-good things you feel, there are lessons and incredible values to identify and to reflect on.

HOW TO GET ALONG WITH PEOPLE

kodetcoachme@gmail.com (Kehinde Odetunde) — Sat, 22 Oct 2022 04:36:49 GMT

Never Criticize or Blame

People don’t usually criticize themselves because they look at themselves through a different lens. Therefore, offering criticism is not the best way to inspire sustained positive change and to get along with people. Naturally any rational human being wants to improve his or her current situation. However, criticizing usually does more harm than good.

Unless you are asked, keep your opinion to yourself. If you must offer an opinion keep it objective, constructive and let the intent be to encourage a positive outcome. This is important because deep down most people want to improve their situation. Let your words be encouraging. Let your words elevate instead of put-down. Give examples of when the recipient has done well. Remind the recipients of their strengths if you know them well enough. You can offer an opinion by giving ideas on how you would handle the situation or examples of what others have done in the past. Make it constructive and progressive.

Think of it this way: How can you be so constructive that the recipient will be positively motivated to act and to want to come back and share the results with you. Do it in such a way that would make the person look back and consider you a mentor rather than a nag.

Get Over Unjust Criticism, Move Forward

Another way to get along with people is to do away with criticism that seem unjust. When you are unjustly criticized, remember that it is often because it gives the doer some level of importance. Another way to look at it is that you are doing something worthy of attention. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog. Look at unjust criticism as some form of compliment. While constructive criticism is good for growth, don’t allow unjust criticism to weigh you down. Let it roll off you as quickly as it came.

Remember these words from Abraham Lincoln:

”If I were to try to read, much less to answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep on doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, then what is said against me won’t matter. If the end brings me out wrong, then ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”

A fundamental gauge is your heart – that itch you are having or that’s constantly running through your mind. Do what feels right and that connects with your soul. Then, raise your head high and walk taller. Remember. People will always talk and that’s something you have no control over. But you have control over what you think, feel or do.

Be a Positive Influence

Another thing to note when figuring out how to get along with people is to be conscious of how you make others feel when you interact. One’s attitude towards another person is usually a reflection of one’s attitude towards oneself. If you are usually hard on yourself, you are likely to be hard on others. If you are not entirely happy with yourself , you are likely to be unhappy with others. A change in your attitude and how you see things is the first battle that must be won when trying to influence someone positively.

Be nicer to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up repeatedly. With a change in your attitude, people will start to see you differently and want to be around you more.
Treat people with respect because that’s how you want to be treated.
Train yourself to hold-back the first thing that comes to your head. It takes a stronger character of self-control because it is a lot easy to simply react to things.
While people don’t enjoy criticism, deep down they do not want to be flattered either. Instead, provide honest appreciation. People want to be appreciated often because it reinforces the beliefs they already have of themselves or a reassurance that they are doing the right thing or going the right path.
Be quick to praise and to show appreciation.
Be slow to anger. Who would you prefer to hang out with? The person that makes you feel important or one that makes you feel inadequate?

Drive your ego far away and fight off every urge to feel important or superior. Be sincerely humble, listen and be present. Most people like to talk about themselves. So, listen and enjoy the conversation by being present and fully engaged.
Be genuinely interested in other people. Being interested opens the mind to possibilities and is a great source of ideas to learn about the interests of others. Most great communicators, story tellers, writers or inspirational speakers are usually genuinely interested in people because they learn so much from listening and being present.
To influence anyone, you need to know what makes them tick. Focus on what people want not what you want them to want. Understand and see things from their lenses. Do you understand what drives them? What do they really want? Then, help them get it. For example: A better way to help someone stop a bad habit is to link the habit as an inhibitor to the thing they want dearly. You can inspire a smoker, who cares deeply about his/her children, to stop smoking by reminding him/her of the likelihood of not seeing these kids grow to become adult if he/she continues to smoke.

Win People Over

When it is important to win people over to an idea, you don’t want to be antagonistic or be a know-it-all. Listen to them, understand their perspective. Take them from a level of hostility to a level of understanding; prepare their minds. Start out friendly.

Create alignment first and let the facts speak! Start out by touching on subjects and aspects in which you agree. Starting a conversation by putting people’s minds in a negative state will make it a lot harder to get them to listen let alone agree on subsequent subjects because their minds are already primed to say No.

Did you know that some people will deliberately be unreasonable just to stand their guard because of their pride, prejudice, fear, jealousy and so on? Some are even mismatchers, who look for ways in which what you've presented is flawed. It won’t hurt by showing them your vulnerable side if it is relevant to prepare their minds. Let the facts speak and do the convincing.

Closing Remarks:

Words are powerful because they can make or break people. They often cut deep and can shatter dreams or destroy friendships and associations. We often remember the bad more than the good. So, make your encounter with each person a good one. Make it as memorable as possible.
Choose your words wisely and do it with love. When in doubt, think of how you would want to be treated.
Don’t judge people. Always look at yourself first. Don’t act as if you have never gone astray or done something wrong before.
Acknowledge and respect people’s opinions. Never say they are wrong because if you do, you are not preparing their minds to listen to you let alone gain their support.
Never set-out to be right o r to prove someone wrong. Help them save face. Don’t embarrass someone in the public. Pull them aside, be respectful and offer constructive remarks.

HOW TO BUILD A BETTER TIME MANAGEMENT PSYCHOLOGY

kodetcoachme@gmail.com (Kehinde Odetunde) — Sat, 22 Oct 2022 04:36:46 GMT

Have you struggled with managing your time effectively?
Do you have an endless to-do list?
Are your to-do list a reminder of how inefficient, ineffective and unproductive you are?
Does having so much uncompleted tasks feed negative thoughts in your subconscious mind and make you feel like you may never accomplish certain important things in your life?
Has this impacted your self confidence in anyway?
Has this impact your decision-making and made you feel like there is no point making new resolutions because you don’t have a good track record of following through?
Does it cause you stress, anxiety and uncertainty about the future?
Do you think you don’t have enough time or resources to get important things done at work or in your personal life?
Do you have broader and more important responsibilities at work and in life but can’t seem to stop spending time checking e-mails because they seem important?
Do you think you have attention deficit disorder?
Why do some people appear to accomplish more than others but we all have the same 24 hours in a day?
Are you mistaken movement for achievement?
Are you checking off your to-do list and feeling good about it but, deep down, you know you are not making progress towards your dream or goal?

Many people have struggled and will continue to struggle with managing the best use of their time and live an unfulfilled life of worry, stress and disappointments unless they take action. The truth is that having more time is not the problem. It’s all about one’s psychology of time management; call this self-management.

“Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.” Pablo Picasso

” Stop managing your time. Start managing your focus.” Robin Sharma

"Wherever focus goes, energy flows." Tony Robbins

Make Time For What Matters Most

How would you know what matters most if you haven’t given it enough thought? So why would you waste a second launching into things without first taking the time to think on paper (or other forms), identify what really matters, why it matters and planning how to accomplish what really matters - your outcome or results?

You can start a new chapter of your life and be a better version of yourself and also achieve a work and life alignment by focusing on what matters most, why it matters and taking specific structured steps to go after it.

In relation to work:

I start with work because a lot of people spend more time at work than in their personal life. If this brings fulfillment at the end of it all, it’s a choice.

Make your day about creating value. If you don’t have a plan for your day, the day will always have plans for you. While this statement might sound like a bumper sticker, it is true.

I’ve personally endured countless tactical and day-to-day firefighting and distractions that seem important instead of executing a careful plan on specific daily work goals. I have also spent countless of times going through a never ending to-do list of tasks. I decided a while ago to stop reacting and start playing on the offense. My top recommendations regarding managing the best use of time at work are as follows:

Spend at least half hour at the start of the day identifying what your goals are for that day. Ideally, you do this the night before so you have a productive day ahead.
Be clear and focused on why you want to achieve the goals and how to accomplish these goals. Let the goal(s) be aligned with what you’ll get measured on by your business (what matters most to your business).
Work on your goals daily! Politely say “No” to a lot of things that come your way. What has worked for me is that I block off my calendar to reflect my plan for that day and I stick to the plan.
Reserve at least half hour at the end of the day to reflect on the day and how you did and take notes on what worked and didn’t work. The purpose of note taking is to take any remedial action needed to accomplish the set goals.
Spend at least one hour to reflect on your accomplishment by the end of each week.
Spend at least an hour each day outside work reading about a subject that’s of interest to you – something that increases your knowledge or expertise in an interested area or that will help you in your career.

In relation to personal life:

When happy at work, it reflects in other areas of your life and when happy in personal life it reflects at work. You become what you spend more time doing and focusing on. Hence, why I didn’t mean to be insensitive to those that believe family or personal life should come first. Either way, personal life could come first if one feels more fulfilled in this area. In the end, the goal is to be fulfilled and to live a life with no regrets.

My top recommendations regarding managing the best use of time for one’s personal life are as follows:

Identify what’s most important to your immediate family. Not you. If you are like me, you already spend too much time working hard and getting fulfilled hopefully in that area; a significant portion of the rest of your time needs to be devoted to family. So back to the question. What’s most important to your family [your spouse, children or loved ones]?
Focus on how to accomplish this “most important” thing with the family. Be focused and do not be distracted about work. This is predicated on the assumption that you’ve worked very hard focusing on work. Now, don’t rob your family of such quality time.
Let your family know a little bit about your work and what you do. Share positive learning experiences so they feel like they are part of your work-life, which takes up a lot of your time anyways – this is even better if they are interested.
Spend time on activities that makes you healthy as an individual physically, spiritually, and mentally. For example: Being active regularly, being a part of religious or enlightenment group, feed your mind regularly by reading and learning from people and helping others. Make this a family affair if the family is interested.

Make Time About Productivity, Efficiency and Effectiveness

To be subconsciously wired to regularly plan and control the amount of time and resources spent on tasks will make you laser focused on your goals. You’ll be able to have more time for other important things and it will enhance the quality of your life by making you more happy, more purposeful and fulfilled.

It is not about the actions and activities. It’s about the goal(s). Focus on the goal and how to get there faster, if necessary with less waste and redo of tasks. Model who has done it before so you don’t have to repeat their mistakes. Cultivate the habit of reflecting and asking Is what i am doing helping me move towards my goal(s)? Is there a better or faster way? Do you have to do this all by yourself? Can you delegate certain activities to those that can help move the ball forward much faster? Of course, you have to be able to trust people. Don’t micromanage but owe them accountable and inspire them to be at their best. This is as true for managers to subordinates, co-workers to co-workers, classmates to classmates on a school project, as it is true for parents to children on home chores or other aspects of life.

Finally, always think long term. Does the system depend on you to survive or can the system run without you? This is twofold. This can make you redundant or can free you up for the next big thing. The key is that you don’t have to be the critical path. If you are responsible for a system such as a home or business to function, create an efficient and effective way for the system to run when you are not there. Train or hire people to handle the day to day activities or have the necessary tools to handle the day to day activities when you are unavailable.

Reflection Point

Have you ever lost anyone that you wished you’d spent more time with? I have. Anyone you wished you’d been nicer to? I don’t mean to me dramatic. But imagine you are on your death bed and you have few minutes left to exit this world. Would you look back and be proud of the time you’ve spent on earth? What will your regrets be? Not spending time with family? Not giving it a good try to accomplish the things you’ve always wanted? Not saying i love you enough to your kids, spouse, family or friends?

Don’t waste your time responding to life or just coasting through like you’ll live forever. Live life like it’ll end for you tomorrow. We will never be here again. Truly enjoy your time. Be wired to be productive to yourself and to those that matter to you.

Make it a goal for the next 30 days to change your psychology on time management. Form a better habit about the use of time. Like any habit, it needs commitment and hard work for it to become part of your subconscious and how you are wired. You really don’t have much to lose compared to a lifetime of regret if you don’t act.

Don’t confuse movement for achievement. To-do lists can keep you busy. Checking off a series of tasks can provide the illusion of progress. Have you ever completed everything on your to-do list and still felt like you haven’t really accomplished anything?

If you are ready to take action, check out Tony Robbins's time management system called "RPM" to achieve more and be fulfilled.

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5 PROVEN SUCCESS STRATEGIES

kodetcoachme@gmail.com (Kehinde Odetunde) — Sat, 22 Oct 2022 04:28:33 GMT

If you think you are not winning at something, then cheer up because that is about to change. The key thing you need to do is to be honest about how bad you want to win.

If you are convinced you are genuinely ready to do what it takes, here are five proven strategies:

1. Be clear this is really what you want

Be sure this is yours and not someone else’s.

Often a times we are influenced by the society, environment, things or people around us. We end up with other people's goals and ideas of what success is. Our “whys” are not really our “whys”. This explains why sometimes we do not follow through and we get easily discouraged and stop.

What is it you really want? Is what you think you want what you really want? Is it yours? Are you prepared to go through what it takes to get what you want or to become what you want to be?

Stop and think through this first. Define what success is for you.

Make sure you are not artificially influenced by your family, history, friends, media, whoever or whatever. Whatever it is that you want. Make it yours, believe it and fully embrace it.

Gain clarity:

At this stage in your life, imagine you have 10 exact years left to live. Or imagine you are on your death bed. What is that thing you’d want to have at least achieved in your life before your time is up? How would you live every moment? What you want does not have to be "easy”. But the right thing to do. What your heart continues to yearn for. The ghost that always lurks around in the corner even when you are being positive.

2. Turn what you really want into what you must have

To achieve your goals in life, they need to be a must for you. Really... think back to when you have achieved a goal worthwhile. Is this not what it takes no matter what the obstacle is? You are highly motivated to get it done no matter how long it takes.

You may not be fully ready or have the resources or even know how to, but you are motivated because you want it more than the next person. Time and time again, there are countless examples of people who have accomplished what may have been historically considered impossible up until that point.

There is one thing these people have in common. It is a must for them. You see. It will always hunt them or serve as a constant reminder, something pending, a pain point – they are drawn to it - No matter how positive or grateful they may seem. There is less peace of mind without it. It is the simple truth on how people have achieved incredible results. It is the same reason healthy babies with legs eventually walk.

You must raise your game; your standard; you must be tired of where you are and are highly motivated to get what you want.

Recreate the scene in your head:

You have 10 years left to live; You are on your death bed. Are you going to let some cold calling stop you? Are you going to let some exam stop you? Are you going to let anyone, or anything intimidate you? No. This is a must. Nothing should be strong enough to stop you in your tracks.

3. Get rid of your limiting beliefs

Winning is largely psychological – a mindset game . What you must do and how you do are important. But the game changer is simply the will to take actions and keeping taking actions, the mindset - that inner programming that is running all-day especially when you are in a low state.

It is one reason why you know what to do and do not do it or why you hesitate or hold back.

It is also why you think you cannot do it. You probably have heard this before - If you think you can, you can. If you think you cannot, you cannot.

Your beliefs lead to the choices you make and your habitual patterns. Hence, the reason why you are where you are at this stage in your life.

Your deep beliefs keep you going when everything around you say stop; this is what determines the kind of actions you take – weak/random/reactive or intense/purposeful/result-driven. This is what keeps you focused or distracted. This is what determines your level of consistency and commitment; this is what determines your daily habit or thought process or perception about life and your general sense of well-being. This is the reason a light bulb, an airplane, a cellphone, or internet exist. It is the reason why slavery in the free world ended, why Obama or Trump became president and why you will or will not get what you want.

We humans find a way to remain consistent with what we believe. We find reasons to justify where we are and whatever achievements we have thus far. It is the same reason we see and experience what we focus on. We are all born with the potential to do great things. But our beliefs often get in the way; they determine the type of actions we take. The type of actions we take influences our results. The results we get further reinforces our beliefs.

Here are some strategies to improving your beliefs.

Start with being in a great state of mind. Exercise - Jump up, walk, run, lift weights.. change you physiology .. There are plenty of evidence linking mental well-being to physical activities.. how are you going to make good decisions when you have low energy or you feel overwhelmed or feel beating? You are likely to make good choices when you are in a great state of mind..
Focus on and picture the positive end results of what you want repeatedly in your mind
Surround yourself with positive minded folks…people who are playing at the level you want to be at or who have overcome incredible challenges in their lives. You can read about them and their work; get inspired about their work; immerse yourself in such surroundings
Take actions as if it is impossible to fail. Start small. Gain some momentum. Do more. Gain some more momentum. Do not underestimate where you can be in 5 to 10 years if you keep on moving and taking progressive actions. Everything adds up. Get rid of instant gratifications and the need to get there super fast. Small targeted, focused, and well-intended actions are better than no actions. It is never too late for you unless you are on your death bed. If you have no idea where to start, model what's already working or get a Results coach. Start anywhere and keep going.

4. Find out what works and model it

Whatever you want, trust me; you are not the first to ever want it or a variation of it. There is someone out there who has already done it or done something like it or that has perfected what to do and how to do it. You can model what they have done. Be bold. Swallow your pride. Ask for their help. Let nothing stop you from finding out and modeling what works. Be relentless, resourceful, and creative. Be okay to change approaches that do not work. Take massive actions. Keep going... Get a Results coach .

5. Focus on learning, growing and contributing

Keep your focus on learning, growing and adding value onto others. What you will get is a result of what you are willing to give and all the steps above.
Know your reasons. Focus on who you will become, the legacy you will leave behind. What your kids, grand and great grand kids, people who know you or do not know you will say about you. What impact this will have in the lives of many. What you want should be bigger than you. Be bold. Make a statement. Your statement.
Do your research on those at the top of their game or who you admire. Find out what they have done - the amount of behind the scenes and what they continue to do daily and the benefits of their actions onto others or the world. Find out what they had endured.
Talk about force of attraction. When you focus on growing and contributing, this is what attracts the right people into your life. It is how you will get where you are going and be able to not only keep what you get but also get more.
Find ways to continue to serve or give in your own way more than anyone else. This is what will drive you to keep growing so you can continue to give. Growing and contributing leads to fulfillment.

Final thoughts... Keep it real!

Stop beating yourself up if you are not willing to do what it takes to get what you want. Alternatively, change your view on what you really want. Embrace it and be okay with the choices you are making.

When on your death bed, be able to say you gave it all on what really mattered. Life’s too short. Live full and die empty. Do everything you can everyday to realize your goal. Enjoy each day while you are here and be profoundly grateful for what you have and where you are.

Remember, if your heart truly wants more, it is a sign that you need to figure out what that is and go for it like your life depends on it because it does.

WAYS TO ENJOY YOUR JOB – HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR JOB PERFORMANCE

kodetcoachme@gmail.com (Kehinde Odetunde) — Thu, 20 Oct 2022 21:11:59 GMT

Identify whether this job makes you come alive, and Be yourself

If you are not having fun, you are not doing it right. To identify if this is the Job for you, answer the following questions:

Will you do this job for free, if money was not an issue?
Does the job make you come alive or fully engaged?
Does it make you more of who you want to become?
Does it have an impact that you truly care or believe in?

If you answered "No" to any of the questions above, you need to be honest with yourself and start mapping out an exit plan for that job, company or the industry. If you don't, it'll lead to a path you may not want to end up - bad attitude and habits, ailments or diseases, depression and a long list of emotional instability .

Take time to think, research and find out what can make the answers to the questions above turn into a "Yes". Here's why:

You are unique! You exist because a single sperm (out of millions of them) fertilized an egg. Think about this for a minute. What are the chances? It’s almost impossible that you are here. So, why be someone else or live someone else's life? Embrace your individuality and uniqueness and leverage these to work for you.

You don't need to keep conforming. Think for a moment about how you grew up. Have you been conditioned by you environment - family, society, media? Are you in a job because it makes you feel important or because it's just something you've been doing for a long time?

The good news! You can still be in a role that fulfills you and still leads to all other things you want. You just need to find it and do it very well and serve more. The more service you give in an area you deeply care about, the better you'll do in life.

Prioritize, Stay Focused, Manage Your Time Wisely

Once you are in a job you truly enjoy, be clear about where you are headed. The quickest way to becoming miserable in a Job is to not be focused on where you are headed. Focusing on one thing at a time not only helps you get things done but it also helps you master things with a deeper sense of satisfaction and accomplishment .

Remember. “First things first. Second things never”. Determine what success really means on the Job - a combination of the team/company goals and your goals. Focus on taking prioritized steps on actions that'll lead to the results. Don’t spend time doing things that are not critical or that do not lead to the results you've identified. Don’t waste your time constantly reacting to fires. For more details on this, read about the psychology of time management . If you must defer anything be sure it is important enough for you to come back to. If it’s not important enough, do not worry about it; have the resolve to let it go.

If you are a leader and have an opportunity to delegate, learn how to Delegate. Delegate to others who can get the job done faster or who enjoy getting the tasks done. Support them and pay forward in any way that’s meaningful so they feel appreciated. Surround yourself with the right people. If they are still learning how, spend the time to train them so they are proficient to getting the tasks done on your behalf. Don’t be trying to do it all by yourself. Pace yourself. Take regular breaks to stretch and refresh or recharge the mind so you can continue to be productive.

Respect the Job and Be Interested

Being interested in a task matters and it fuels the emotional state, productivity, energy and passion one exudes. Regularly remind yourself of compelling reasons why your job is important.

Imagine if you took every task you are given with the utmost respect, you’ll do such a good job because your level of engagement will be different. Your energy level will go-up, your self-worth will increase, you’ll start to find meaning in what you do, you’ll be happier. Naturally, this will translate into recognition at work and the respect of your peers and your success.

Being respectful of the tasks goes a long way in maintaining your emotional state and managing boredom . Be grateful for what you have and count yourself lucky. Focus on building your skill set so you are remarkable at what you do. These skills and attitude are yours to take away to the next opportunity.

Manage Your Emotional State

Get in the habit of being in the right emotional state. Do this by:

Being thankful of even the simplest thing so you can have more
Being honest with yourself
Becoming more physically active
Focusing on positive things and on what you can control

Have you ever come home exhausted from a “long day’s work”? Especially in a job where you sit most of the time in front of a computer or putting out fires all day. It’s not that you are exhausted. It’s because you are in a wrong emotional state.

If this is not the case, then ask yourself this question. “Have I ever been very excited doing something and exhausted at the same time?” Also, how do you explain a person yawning in a class or meeting where the theme is slow and disengaging, yet fully awake in another where the theme is quite engaging? Or a person reading a book and dozing off but able to spend hours watching TV, or on YouTube or Facebook watching something else?

Even physical tasks could be considered boring and could lead to feeling of exhaustion after a long day. If this is not the case, how do you explain how some people seem to have the energy and the focus to run a mile while some people feel exhausted just climbing a few stairs. Imagine giving the same exhausted person an incentive to climb the same stairs, he or she won’t feel exhausted.

Don’t Take Yourself too Seriously and for Granted

Do something fun! Appreciate yourself more and make it a habit to feel and look good. A part of you die slowly whenever you don’t cherish an accomplishment or don’t feel great about even the little things. This is fundamental to thriving where you are.

We live to grow. There's always going to be the next level or the next thing. However, we must learn to enjoy each level so this can lead to the next level. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will not be an effective contributor. Reward yourself regularly. Don’t wait for others to reward you. You can reward yourself by spending time doing something fun with friends, family or loved ones. Don’t expect your manager, company or colleagues to commend on anything you are doing right. Chances are they are caught up in their own struggles.

Get in the habit of regularly taking the time to summarize and reflect on your accomplishments for positive reinforcement. Cultivate the habit of being grateful for these accomplishments so you can get more.

IMPROVE YOUR STATE OF MIND - FIVE PROVEN LIFE LESSONS

kodetcoachme@gmail.com (Kehinde Odetunde) — Tue, 11 Oct 2022 16:36:39 GMT

Are you feeling sorry for yourself? Do you feel like a victim? Do you feel anxious?
Do you say yes when you mean to say no or do you say no when you mean to say yes?
Do you have trouble deciding to do something and do you over-analyze instead of acting?
Do you feel you care too much about what other people think or say about you?
Do you feel fatigued or tired sometimes or most of the time?
Do you feel like you are never at ease with that person or thing?
Are you attracted to someone and still not able to talk to him or her?

If any of these or alike is familiar to you, the good news is that you can improve this state of mind and be in a much more empowering state

State of Mind

First, a definition of state of mind : " the mood or temperament you are in"

If you find yourself in a state that does not bring your best side, It is an attack on your truest identify. Think of it as a call to action.

A great state of mind doesn’t mean you are obnoxious, loud or overly excited. It doesn’t mean you feel great at the expense of others around you. It is a feeling you have when you are truly at peace with yourself and things around you. A state where nothing or very little bothers you; a state where you feel very confident in yourself (no pretense; pure honest confidence) you don’t feel hurt by what anyone says, does, said or did; a state where your mind and body feel vibrant (no pains and aches due to inactivity or illness), a state where you are not angry or dissatisfied, or being short or snapping at people. It's a state of mind where you are not suffering..

You don't have to have received or achieved something to be in a great state of mind. Many people, who seem to have a lot going for them, are still unhappy.

Here are the 5 proven steps to change strong negative subconscious habits

1. Be active, achieve lasting vibrancy

Your physiology changes how you feel, think and act – the gush of vibrancy , the clarity in your thoughts, ideas and the way you feel. What you experience after an exercise is a change in your bio-chemistry. You get a sudden boost of energy that lasts for a while and puts you in a position to take action. However, it only lasts so long. But if you exercise very regularly and make this a habit, the great feeling you get becomes almost perpetual.

When you combine exercises with taking in essential nutrients and the right amount of rest, it wards off fatigue, illness, stress and many other health concerns that lead to low energy and weak state. Exercise at least 20mins regularly.

2. Focus on empowering things

In addition to exercising regularly, form a new habit of thinking positively. Don’t let external factors determine your state. Use being active to generate empowering ideas on how to solve the challenges you have. Whatever you focus on, you’ll feel and attract.

If you focus on negative things, you’ll feel and act in negative terms.

The more you feel and act in a certain way regularly, the more it becomes a habit that’ll take more work to get rid of. Stop focusing on the wrong things. Snap out of it. Being active and eat what's good for your body.

3. Be thankful

When you are active and you focus on the right things, and you are purposefully thankful for all the things you are grateful for, you feel alive and in a great state.

Why would you not be grateful about your heart that beats 60-100 times per minute (without you even doing much to deserve this). Keeping your focus on feeling upset about what someone did or said to you or about the things you don’t have or that you’ve lost is wasted energy. If you leave your burdens to the supernatural intelligence that's keeping your heart and organs function, and you are truly grateful, you’ll be rewarded.

Think about it. If you thank someone for giving you something, you are likely to get more of it. If you don’t thank the person who gave you something and all you do is complain or focus on what’s wrong, they’ll likely take it back from you or stop giving you more because you don’t appreciate it.

Ideally this should be the first item on this list. However, if you lacked the strength to genuinely do so, then put myself in a great state first through exercises.

4. Take Responsibility

If you cultivate the habit of taking full responsibility for your action and inaction, and fulfilling the first three habits above, your mental state of mind will improve every day.

Don’t blame people or situations for your current position in life. You are where you are so you can learn and grow.

If you complain and point the fingers regularly, it becomes a habit that’s not helping your state of mind; it takes away your power.

Life may not seem fair sometimes and it isn’t simply black and white. It is not a straight-line either. It is a journey filled with numerous experiences that are geared to shaping who we become. You’ve got to ask yourself, will blame help me become who I really would like to be or will taking responsibility and taking action achieve this?

5. Live for others as well

The final habit you must cultivate is to live life not just for yourself. The moments that I have felt happiest and limitless the most are moments where I’ve helped others.

Give people your time, your money, your love, your passion or whatever. Some things are easier to give than others; the harder they are to give, the more rewarding it becomes. Add value to people’s lives.

People are people and will sometimes take advantage of your generosity; you must be careful and vigilant and be able to discern this. However, when you give and add value to others you expand your mental state and the experience open doors for replenishment.

One of the biggest secrets to living a fulfilled life is through giving to others and not simply thinking about oneself all the time. Imagine for a second, what life would be today if the amenities and things you enjoy were created by people who only thought of themselves.

Make these five key steps a habit. Engage in all for a period of 30 days so they become part of you. For a perpetual effect, don’t stop doing these things.

HOW TO WIN PASSION BACK IN YOUR LIFE

kodetcoachme@gmail.com (Kehinde Odetunde) — Wed, 14 Sep 2022 16:35:09 GMT

Why you lost passion and how to win it back

You wake up one day or you suddenly realize that you are not as passionate with that thing or person or that place or whatever it is as you used to.
If you’ve ever experienced this, you may also feel you are not enjoying other things as you used to. It may seem as though you are not as energized, motivated, inspired to go the extra mile in favor of that thing or person or whatever it is.

Being passionate is a great feeling to have because it helps you find purpose or meaning to your life. From experience, one feels alive, able, interested in seeing possibilities, embarking on tasks associated with that thing, it yields potions of optimism. Passion is like a bright candle light burning even in the middle of a wind.

The bit-by-bit scenario

Passion is lost through what I’ll call a bit-by-bit scenario. A bit-by-bit scenario is responsible for the formation of any new habit. It could be responsible for losing or gaining passion for anything. It is responsible for anyone becoming who they deliberately or not deliberately choose to be.

The bit-by-bit scenario is responsible for how someone wakes up one day to realize he or she is in a wrong place in life. The bit-by-bit scenario hides within the shadows of one’s subconscious mind. To make this clearer, let’s explore the following instances where people could lose passion for something.

As it applies to relationships

A couple who used to be in love decide to split up one day after years of being together. To the outside world, this looks like something that happens out of the blue. How did they get here?

The reality is that the flame the couple once had at the beginning of the relationship died a slow death multiple times due to the experiences both couples share with one another. It is unthinkable to see a couple split up if the passion or flame they once had still burns with the same intensity.

Let’s explore some of the elements of the bit-by-bit scenario of what happened.

Familiarity is by far the strongest component of the bit-by-bit scenario. Once you are familiar with something, you don’t owe it in the highest regard. You lose some perspective. You don’t hustle as much to keep it because you already have it. This is a number one killer of passion.

The number one rule to keeping the passion for anything you have is to give it the attention it deserves. Work hard at it to keep it fresh in your mind and your heart. A husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend that does not focus on keeping his/her partner happy, respected or taken care of or keeping this flame burning so to speak will eventually lose passion for the partner.

In this example, since humans are on both sides, the action required must be reciprocated – this duality cannot be overstated.

Failure to say I love you, failure to remember that birthday or anniversary, failure to helping and being supportive, being quick to judge or criticize, failure to call, failure to follow-up, failure to continue to display a form of passion or attitude that both once had at the beginning would eventually lead to loss of passion.

This example can apply to any relationship.

Key Lesson: Don’t take anyone you cherish today for granted. When you do, you won’t lose passion to have them in your life.

As it applies to other things

If you have a hobby that you’ve lost passion for or a work that you’ve lost passion for, let’s do a simple test.

Identify the things you are doing every day to be as engaged in that hobby or work. How often do you read about that hobby or work? How much do you learn about that hobby or work? How often do you socialize with like-minded people in that field of hobby or work? Are you proactive about this hobby or work or are you reactive? You’ll see that your frequency or level of engagement, while not high now because of your loss of passion, died slowly over time.

If you call yourself a professional for example, and you opt to stay out of the yearly learning requirements only to pay for the membership then you could see how you may not be as passionate about the field over time. If you don’t attend the professional meetings or attend related conferences or read applicable journals or books, you can see how these may have contributed to your loss of passion for the field.

Key Lesson: Don’t beat yourself up about your loss of passion for a thing. Instead, make a choice.

Identify what makes you happy
Be clear on your identity [who you’d like to become, if you are not already that person]. This is important because not affirming who you really are could create unnecessary inner conflicts. The goal here is to come to terms and accept who you are or embark on the targeted actions to becoming that person you’ll like to be
Decide to do precisely what aligns with you

Winning Passion Back

If you’ve lost passion, you can gain it back today through a series of simple recovery plan. If you truly want something back, you have to work to get it back. Here are some steps to recovering your lost passion.

Own up to the miss. Forgive yourself or whatever caused the situation. Don't play victim. Now it’s time to learn from this and move forward
Identify 10 things that someone who has a strong passion or love for such a thing must do
Prioritize these 10 things and split them into top and bottom 5
Be accountable . Find at least 1 person that has your best interest at heart and that would likely support your gaining back this lost passion
Start a 30-day habit formation process to bring back the spark and flame
For 30-days, focus exclusively on the top 5 items. Include any of the bottom 5 items as well but be sure the top 5 are given the most priority and are taken care of
If you think the habit has not formed, repeat the exercise for another 30-days until you feel this is now embedded back in your subconscious